Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
