I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
