Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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