ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
