i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
where are my eyebrows?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
