I think im going to throw up on grandma
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
