we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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