you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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