i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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