I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
