So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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