They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
