I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
