It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
