so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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