You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
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It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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