I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
