I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
