I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
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I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
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Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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