Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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