I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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