omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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