Will you blow on my dice?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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