Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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