I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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