can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
