I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize