No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
