why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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