my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
