Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
