I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
