Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
