Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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