I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
