dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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