when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
