Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
