I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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