I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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