i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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