Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
