My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
