Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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