dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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