Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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