This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
