He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
