Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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