There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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