like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
