I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my being single is dangerous.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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