Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
