I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
