I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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