theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
