Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
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Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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