My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
