The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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