I am spending my child support on dildos
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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