Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is it because I queefed?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
there is glitter all over my balls
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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