as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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