I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
