I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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