Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
